Month's most popular
If You Get Caught Sleeping on the Job
- "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
- "This is just a 15-minute power nap like they raved about in that time-management course you sent me to."
- "I was working smarter - not harder."
- "Whew! I musta left the top off the liquid paper."
- "Oh, I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on our mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"
- "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"
- "I was testing the keyboard for drool-resistance."
- "I was trying to remember where that difficult "Z" Key was, and now it is indelibly imprinted on my brain, or at least my forehead."
- "I'm in the management training program."
- "I'm actually doing a 'Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan' (SLEEP) I learned at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend."
- "This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work!"
- "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Do you discriminate against people who practice Yoga?"
- "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
- "Uh, hey, whaddaya expect... the coffee machine is broken..."
- "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot."
- "Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!"
- "It worked well for Reagan, didn't it?"
- "Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!"
- "I wasn't sleeping. I was trying to pick up my contact lens without my hands."
- "The mailman flipped out and pulled a gun so I was playing dead to avoid getting shot."
- "Geez, I thought you (the boss) were gone for the day."